Saturday, December 31, 2011

What in the Hell Have I Been up to?

I have been gone, and for quite some time.

 I know what you're thinking dark blank interweb space that I envision filled with eager readers. "But lady, you made promises! You said you wouldn't do this!" I know, I know. And I am sorry. In my defense, this relationship is pretty one sided. You should call more.

Now on to the topic of this blog post. What in the hell have I been up to? Since I am pregnant, I am limited to what I am able to do. So I have decided to try mt hand at ATC's. What are ATC's, you ask? Well...

Artist trading cards (or ATCs) are miniature works of art about the same size as modern baseball cards, or 2 ½ X 3 ½ inches (63 mm X 89 mm), small enough to fit inside standard card-collector pockets, sleeves or sheets. The ATC movement developed out of the mail art movement and has its origins in Switzerland. Cards are produced in various media, including dry media (pencils, pens, markers, etc.), wet media (watercolor, acrylic paints, etc.), paper media (in the form of collage, paper cuts, found objects, etc.) or even metals or cloth. The cards are usually traded or exchanged.
 I initially made five, but now I am not exactly sure how to trade them. I will post them here. They aren't really good. I used to be pretty decent at this kind of thing, but it's been over two years since I have lifted a paintbrush. So.....Enjoy.....

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!


fail


Hipster Fish

Home#2

Home#1

Jesters Hat


Thursday, November 10, 2011

I lol'd

Plastic Surgeon John Diaz asked Courtney Stodden to smile for him on Dr. Drew's Life Changers and this happened.






Monday, November 7, 2011

See You Next Tuesday

We live in a world where people blame each other for their problems, where people blame others for their problems and further still, people blame other people for other peoples problems. It's a world where feelings and rewards are valued higher than the competition, hard work, responsibility and personal accountability. If your little son Billy sucks at life, then my shining fucking beacon of a child must suffer him and burn a little dimmer for the sake of feelings.

That being said, I must note that am indeed governed by my emotion. I have always prided myself on a moderate amount of  intelligence. (It's the kind of intelligence gained by remembering the right sort of information on television, not from any discipline in study.) But it is not at all within my nature to lead with it. I am governed by my intuition, my feelings. I would like to believe this has less to do with my nurture and more to do with my nature. But if I were honest, I would admit that its probably 50/50. It is with this second point that I actually arrived at my first. Now before you scream at me that one cannot arrive at a logical conclusion through emotion, I will have you know that I Googled that shit and yes you can. Rodney Brim, CEO of Performance Solution Technologies and apparent software salesman flat out used this argument to sell whatever the fuck he was trying to sell. But my point is getting further from me. My point is that I draw the logical conclusion that people value feelings over logic through an emotional reaction. And the reaction was to (brace yourself for something totally laughable and banal) a hipsters post on Facebook. I hope you got a chuckle out of that. I feel that sickening knot in my stomach that tells me I should, too. And I might, if I weren't so aggrieved.

It's about to get a whole less eloquent in here as my mood is quickly shifting (with Gustav Mahler's Piano Quartet in A minor) to full on bitch fest. The situation behind this post is not even going to be commented on  nor are this particular hipsters motives for posting such an obnoxious piece of trash.  I am only going to say that after over a year of building a reputation for themself within a certain faction in the community in the public eye, after more than a year of fundraising, rallying, planning, recruiting, advertising and putting love and affection into something that is not only important to them but to an entire group of women, they had the audacity to try and strike it down in stroke their Mac's keyboard. Yes, that was a jab at their hipsterdom. And yes, that sentence was unbelievably long and riddled with commas.

CUNT. That is the ever so classy word they used to describe me and the rest of the women in question. I suppose they might have had the forethought to intentionally use such a trashy word to further convey their distaste for us, but it is more fun for me to imagine their pseudo intellect reaching for a European derivative to sound more worldly.

I just got a happy, excuse me.

The word itself isn't egregious to me. It's the implication behind it. We live in a world where people blame each other for their problems, where people blame others for their problems and further still, people blame other people for other peoples problems. I am guilty of the third in this line, purposely put at the end to exhibit its ridiculousness. But I am guilty of it, according to said hipster(should I be capitalizing Hipster? Is it a title?). I am a cunt through my inaction. My inaction to get involved in the personal life of other people. When does the line get drawn between personal responsibility and community? Is our existence to now imitate technology and be a free flowing continuum of divulgence and bullshit? When does it cease? When do we say, "enough! I will not take the responsibility for the mistakes of others." I use I because although we were addressed vaguely and cowardly as a group, I react as an individual, offended on my own behalf, and not at the behest of others.

Furthermore, this hipster forgets themself. The use of the word "cunt" against the people in question is one of the most selfish things I have ever witnessed. I see it as indicative of the time we live in. A time when Billy can suck at life and the whole world must pay out for it. The whole world must be accountable, because God forbid someone be to blame for their own actions. What do they forget? They forget being clothed, sheltered, fed, comforted, and otherwise nurtured by the very cunts they mark with such disdain. They forget the warm bed offered to them. The camaraderie. For fucks sake, they forget their reason for using this word in the first place is a product of this organization!

Now, this person might be reading this now. I do not apologize for anything I said. I was called names. My home was belittled and an organization I love was set on a pike; hemorrhaging for any dime store apothecary to poke, prod and examine.

The difference between us here. Your insults and mine?

I am not going to post it on fucking Facebook.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Random Update!

I am pregnant. That is all.

Enjoy this picture of a photo bombing seal.




Friday, October 14, 2011

Geocaching: Pray No One Left a Meth Needle

Sara, Matthew and I have been doing this thing called Geocaching. It's a lot of fun and it has turned an otherwise boring Midwestern town into a treasure hunt. The basic idea is someone leaves a box or a "cache" in a secret location and puts something inside of it. A logbook, and maybe some small tradable items.Then posts the location online only using GPS coordinates. People copy the coordinates and go off with their trusty GPS in hopes of finding some treasure.  

There was even one right in my front yard off my dock and I didn't know. Something comes to mind. I have never shared my beautiful view with the world. Well here you go. My wonderful view.



But the game is kind of addictive. We've only found a few, but there are plenty just in this town. The trick is finding them. Some are extremely well hidden. Take for example, this:


Or sometimes they are creative hiding places you never would have thought to look. Like this:



 And finally, some of the ones we have found:





our names on the geocache website are October_Rayne, Chainchomp_7 and betty_rocca


Friday, October 7, 2011

In Response to My Earlier Post

In response to this thingie, I give you this thingie:

What Mythological Creature Am I?

You Scored as Mermaid
You are a mermaid. Mermaids are also known as sirens. They entranced fishermen by singing so they would come into the water only to find death waiting for them! Mermaids are not always so sweet as you can see. A Mermaids appearence isn't just a human with a tail. Mermaids skin is usually blue, with any colored hair and eyes they want. They have gills to breath under water with and they have fin like things for ears and extra fins on their tail.





Mermaid
63%
Werewolve
63%
Fairy
56%
Vampire
56%
Dragon
44%
Devil
13%




Autumn Pictorial

Autumn: 23 September - 22 December 

I know this is kind of a dorky concept. Pictorials on Autumn are for Midwestern scapbookers and New England housewives. Maybe I am becoming the former.I have always loved Autumn. Not just loved, but felt invigorated by the season.


Wu-men Hui-k'ai said that "Spring comes with flowers, Autumn with the moon, Summer with the breeze, Winter with the snow. When idle concerns don't fill your thoughts, that's your best season."  My cynical brain reads it as slightly like a Jr. High Myspace quiz. You know what I mean. "What does your favorite color say about you?", or "What kind of mythical creature would you be?" (That one is actually pretty good. I am going to have to do that later.) But it doesn't make it any less true. Autumn with the moon. Even in Wu-Men's time, they understood the subtleties of Autumn. Autumn and the moon. Seemingly unrelated. But it's a perfect marriage. What is it about this season that is so perfect?

I found a lot of cool pictures I thought about posting, like the anatomy of a hand turkey. That takes away from it, though. I want to leave my impression of Autumn. So here it is. The things that come to mind when I think about my best season.


  















Thursday, October 6, 2011

American Horror Story


I effing loved this show. I just thought I would put it out there. I watched it twice. Once on FX when it aired last night and then later that same night on putlocker.com. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out on something truly creepy. And pretty raunchy for cable.Whatever, it was amazing! And Zachary Quinto is joining the cast for a four episode arc. I am a super excited girl right now.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Venice and Halloween

I am subscribed to GOOP. I really couldn't tell you why. I keep telling myself that it's because I want to have a more well rounded  body of disdain to feel for Gwen, but in reality I just enjoy it. She eats macrobiotic (whatever the fuck that is) food, travels to beautiful locales and has a wardrobe my tiny mortal brain couldn't even dream up. She's kind of a big deal. 

For those of you who don't know what GOOP is, get with the fucking program and drink the kool-aid. It's Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle/world domination blog. And it's kind of a big deal, too. So why do I bring it up? Because her most recent blog is about a recent trip to Venice for the Italian premiere of her new movie, "Contagion".

 The thing is, it's described as the most decadent and lavish weekend ever. I have never been so envious of a person in my whole life. She said the actual premiere was held at a place called the Sala Grande. I Google Images searched it and came up with the picture below. But the picture's caption stated that the picture was from a place called "The Venice School of San Rocco". And this is the Venice School of San Rocco:



So, "Sala Grande" means "The Great Hall" in Italian. I don't necessarily believe she wants people to think she had her premiere at the place below. I just think she's a pretentious dick. 


On an unrelated side note, I got a new book. I know. It's a fetish. This one is about a woman who has just been granted a candidacy at Harvard for a doctorate in early American colonialism. Her mom is an aging liberal hippie douche and talks her into selling her late grandmothers estate outside of Salem. She does and apparently finds some grand connection between her family line and the witch trials. I don't know, I haven't gotten that far yet. It's a perfect book to read before Halloween, though. My favorite holiday.

American Horror Story starts tonight at 10pm on FX. I am super excited. I am loving Hollywood and it recent trend towards the paranormal and supernatural. One thing we can undoubtedly thank "Twilight" for. I am not saying that analysis is based on facts. But c'mon....c'mon. 

Monday, October 3, 2011

Lord Give Me Strength

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. 

This has been going through my head a lot lately. There are certain people in my life that drive me up a fucking wall. There is an retarded amount of pressure, judgement, snide remarks, and an overwhelming sense that at any given moment I could be driven to a very satisfying double homicide and subsequently jail. But, the source of my ass boils are relatives. I could not turn my back on them let alone murder them (No matter how satisfying the fantasies may be).


After a particularly nasty run in today, I am ruffled and in tears, but I learned that people aren't all fucking assholes. And even if they are mostly assholes, they still have the capacity to be a little less awful than usual from time to time.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wearing a hole

I am getting stale. Haven't showered today (fuck off, I did last night) and I am still in my lady boxers and TMNT t-shirt. Donatello is my favorite. Mathew concurs. We high fived. 

...........I need to get out of the house. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Do You Remember...

Matthew and I where feeling particularly nostalgic and started talking about our childhood. We are the children of the 90's. Terrifying, I know. There are numerous videos typifying our childhood. It's limiting to be sure, but also nostalgic. Here is what we finally came up with after much debate. Add anything else from your childhood, 90's or otherwise. 
  1. Space Jam
  2. Mario 64
  3. Jelly flip-flops
  4. Friends
  5. Doug
  6. Jurassic Park
  7. Are You Afraid of the Dark
  8. The Simpsons
  9. The OJ Simpson Trial
  10. Toy Story
  11. Pokémon
  12. WWE ( When it was still called WWF)
  13. JonBenét Ramsey
  14. Goosebumps
  15. Power Rangers
  16. Legend of the Secret Temple
  17. Princess Diana
  18. Ren and Stimpy
  19. Rocko's Modern Life
  20. Animaniacs
  21. When the Disney Channel was the shit
  22. Fraggle Rock
  23. Ahh! Real Monsters
  24. Clarissa Explains it All
  25. Nickelodeon
  26. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson straight to VHS movies
  27. VHS
  28. The Tick
  29. Johnny Bravo
  30. Keenan and Kel
  31. All That
  32. "Oregon Trail" day in class
  33. Bringing the plastic lunchbox to school (The smelly kids had brown bags or reduced lunch)
  34. Slip 'N Slide
  35.  Beanie Babies
  36. Tomigotchi's
  37. Jitter Ring
  38. The Spice Girls
  39. Backstreet Boys
  40. Britney Spears
  41. Blink 182
  42. Razor Scooter
  43. Chicago Bulls being the best team EVER
  44. The Skip It
  45. Walkman
  46. Duck Hunt
  47. Bill Nye the Science Guy
  48. MST3K
  49. Double Dare
  50. Light up sneakers
  51. Nick Arcade
  52. Deejay Alice-Better off alone
  53.  Gameboy
  54. Y2K
  55. Bill Clinton got a BJ
  56. Pog's
  57. Ferbies
  58. Where's Waldo?
  59. Clueless
  60. Troll Dolls
  61. My Little Pony
  62. Hula Hoop
  63. The Scrunchie
  64. Ring Pops
  65. S Club 7
  66. McDonald's PlayPlace
  67. Polly Pocket
  68. The X-Files
  69. Aqua
  70. Bop
  71. American Gladiators
  72. Bevis and Butthead
  73. Mood Rings
  74. Daria
  75. Push Pops
  76. Jerry Springer
  77. Duck Tales
  78. The Babysitter's Club
  79. Crystal Pepsi
  80. Napster
  81. Magic 8 ball
  82. Roller Blading
  83. Tie Dye
  84. Acid wash jeans
  85. Tickle Me Elmo
  86. Warheads
  87. Captain Planet
  88. Mortal Kombat
  89. Arcades
  90. Ending every sentence with the word "Psyche!"
  91. Bobby's World
  92. "Talk to the hand (Because the face aint' listening')
  93. "Who loves orange soda"
  94. Saved by the Bell
  95. Home Improvement
  96. Boy Meets World
  97. The Dinosaurs 
  98. The Simpsons
  99. Batman the animated series
  100. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby

Here is some extra stuff for you:























Blog of a Different Color

I have been getting over a cold recently, and as such have been mostly confined to my home for the past couple of weeks. It's been very lonely and suffocating. All I have right now are my books, the internet, the routine company of my husband and an occasional call or visit from a friend. I suppose it is not as bad as it sounds. As it is, I love my husband very much and would prefer no other company over his. My world has just gotten very small. This sounds very much like a sappy nineteenth century letter in a shitty paperback romance novel. So shall I shake it off? Yes, I guess I should.



I know I had promised to write, but I have become pretty dull lately. I wish I had a reader or two more to tell me what they want to hear about. Who they would like me to slander or otherwise tarnish. Or at the very least, challenge me to an online duel of rhetoric to the death. It makes my heart happy. One of my friends writes a blog of a different color. She writes to rid herself of the anger and negativity in her life. It sounds pretty cathartic and almost entirely like something I never would have thought of. Only an asshole of my caliber would dream up perpetuating her cynicism and jaded douche-baggary by immortalizing it. What would that even be called? A self-deprecating asshole with a superiority complex (a.k.a. "The Buffy Complex")? That sounds about right.

I am on my next book, though. I finished that stupid "Pride and Prejudice" addendum. Don't you just fucking hate it when a book spends two hundred pages describing the finer points of traveling Europe, while also teasing the reader with the notion of hot vampire sex, to have the books namesake and selling appeal become irrelevent in the last five pages? Yeah, I fucking hate that shit. I am glad to have finished it, though. Now I can be sure to tell everyone I ever meet for the rest of my life to never read it. It will be a challenge, I imagine. But there has to be some kind of karmic payoff for that shit. Now I am on the tedious "Dante's Club". I am not going to lie. I have started this book at least four different times. I have only made it to the fourth or fifth page. It's so boring. But I was always the kind of person to give up if it didn't captivate my attention right away. I am trying to not be that person now. I will get though it. In time. Blah.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Bad Girls Club Gets a Comic Book

So if anyone knows anything about this blog, they know I have a sick infatuation with a little show on Oxygen called "The Bad Girls Club." I don't know why. I offer no remorse, explanation or withdrawal. I will talk about this show. I will talk about the drunk awesomeness and giggle at the petty power struggles and fights. Girls blow my mind. 

Well, it looks as though I am not the only one. There is a comic-book out now, centered around the independent and unforgiving woman that the show tries to portray.  I am actually kind of excited. It wont last long, though. But it's an interesting concept.


Read it here.  

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Early Times+HDMI Cable=Big Screen Movie Magic Adventure

Watching Marble Hornets again on the big screen. It's amazing what you miss on a monitor. Lights out, big bowl of popcorn, best friends and shitty liquor makes for an amazing Saturday night. And yes, while everyone is watching the show I am here dear followers. Updating you on the mundane. My posts have gotten kind of lazy lately, haven't they? I will have to remedy that. If people have the decency to take the time out of their day to read this bullshit, the least I can do is put some lurve into it.

On a completely unrelated  note, I made another trip to Goodwill for books. I am almost done with one called, "Mr. Darcy, Vampyre". It's not by the same guy who wrote "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"(which is fabulous by the by. You can't go wrong with ninja's, zombies and British period pieces) or "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" . But none the less, it's pretty entertaining. It's not a demanding read. It is, however, lush and descriptive in its portrait of the lives of the aristocracy of the time. It's almost mouth watering. The other two books I got were also period pieces. One is called "The Dante Club" and the other "Dark Angels". Maybe some of you are noticing a theme here. The short answer is "yes". The long answer is "go fuck yourself, I like what I like and half of North America can't even be bothered to read. Don't judge me, you arrogant asshole".  

So good night/morning/afternoon to the readers I have. I hope you have a pleasant Sunday. I will spend mine watching the season finale of True Blood with Matthew.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Marble Hornets; I Just Shat Myself

Couldn't sleep a few nights ago so I came to my computer at about 3:30 in the morning and began to wander the vast and strange beauty that is called internet. I came across this image on a image macro site.


I immediately looked it up. I am sorry I ever did. In the past couple days, my relationship with "Marble Hornets" has gone from non-existent to borderline obsessive. If you haven't seen it, don't do it. Seriously. It disturbed me to my core. I love horror movies and series, but this literally brought tears to my eyes. Here's the link: Don't click it .

It reminds me of "Paranormal Activity" or "The Blair Witch Project" except not retarded. My favorite part about it is that it spans beyond it's one YouTube channel. The series also has a Wiki page, a Twitter account, a forum dedicated to decoding and speculation, numerous spin off videos and series, a creepy uploader with cryptic messages and many blogs. It's very interactive and gives the viewer an added sense of dread and realism.

It centers around the uploader named J. The basic plot is:


"When a film student decides to look through the tapes of a canceled project his friend Alex had directed, and he had participated in, he discovers that his friends have been stalked by a paranormal entity known as the Operator and decides to get himself involved." (via imdb) 


The operator, is this guy: 




This show is also filled with code, hidden images and such. Much like Lost. Time and space is altered and videos are released out of order. The uploaders character isn't even exactly sure about the timeline in season 2.


The show is intense. If you want to watch it, I would do so on the wiki page, as the actual YouTube channel has adverts on it. The newest video just came out this morning. Enjoy!


I am done with the plugging.   

Monday, September 5, 2011

What Happens When I am Bored




It's amazing what some free time, a couple of beers and no microwave will drive a person to do. By the by, has anyone ever looked inside the bags of microwave popcorn? It's pretty gross. I think I might just switch to stovetop popcorn all together.

The Sims Social or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet


This is the game that has single handedly taken me away from my self imposed blogging duties. I have no need for your mortal emotions anymore. I am more than Man. I am Sim.

Seriously, these Facebook games are addictive. I find myself checking on Ellie every few hours and I can't leave the house for too long if I know my pumpkins will need harvesting. Sad, I know. But I am level 13. That means something, right? It's a false sense of identity and accomplishment. I know it's all bullshit, but it's designed to keep people coming back for more, and guess what? It works. I had to stop playing "Frontierville" for the same reason. My addictive personality switched on and I found myself on there at every opportunity, almost giving my credit card number and soul to Zynga. And yet here I am again, taking only this brief break from playing to tell the inter-webs about my playing. 

On an unrelated note and completely lazy segue, Labor Day is today. Summer is officially over. Now for the amaze-balls that is fall.  

I believe it's time to check on my pumpkins. 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

I Made a Tumblr

Got bored. Made one. No rhyme or reason. Go forth and look if you wish. On an unrelated side note, tonight will be the shit. Mesquite BBQ ribs, scary movies, my sexy-ass stankan' man, a lake view and lots o' liquor. Envy my little life.

http://theuds.tumblr.com/


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Fat

It's not something I usually address publicly or directly. I usually address it from a health standpoint (something I have been conditioned to do from my immediate family) by wanting to lose weight to be stronger, healthier and do the things I have always dreamed about doing. This is in part, true. I would love to be able to go for a jog, backpack, hike, go mountain climbing or surfing. As it is right now, I am not healthy enough for those pursuits. All these things I want to do, and yet I feel like enjoying my life is a secondary priority to other peoples expectations of me. That is, how I look. And how my looks make my immediate family feel about me.

I am fat. I have been for sometime now. There was a point in my life, when I wasn't. I was 150lbs. I was 16 and I looked like your typical American angst driven teenager. I dyed my hair pink, wore fishnet stockings, pouted my lips and showed as much tit as my school and parents allowed. I dated older boys, got drunk and flirted, spoke like a jaded 30 yr. old, and ultimately got complacent with the ideal I had always been searching for. Honestly, I let being attractive and skinny get to my head and got into an abusive relationship that went sour when my weight went up. This went on into my early 20's. ( I am still in my early 20's, mind you.) The point is, between my family and my then boyfriend of the time, I learned that hating myself was expected. That it was...normal? I don't know. Hating myself was who I was.

It's taken me a long time to realize that the people you love sometimes don't know jack-fucking-shit. A lesson I didn't learn as a child, but in my late teens. My current friends don't make any comments or disparaging remarks about me, nor does my husband. My family seems to be the only ones bothered by it. I don't want to get into detail about the specific things that have been said to me. It hurts too much right now. But it's ugly. It's mean and it's ignorant. That's right. IGNORANT. It's the kind of things you would see in a shitty Lifetime movie and think, "No ones parents are that douchey."

The simple thing I don't get, is why is fucking matters. Does it define who I am as a person? Does it make me less beautiful? Or does it simply make you feel like a failure and a shitty parent? I have a feeling it's the latter. Which, you know, I feel bad for them. Shouldn't your worth as a parent be measured by the happiness and fulfillment of the offspring? I guess not. I guess it's measured in pounds. I am not much to look at right now, overall. I am jobless, not in school and pretty much directionless. But I am 22. Isn't that the point? Sure, I want to lose weight, but it's not to feel worthy, it's to lose the baggage people have dumped on me since I was 14.

So as of right now, I am fucking done. I refuse to hate myself anymore. I refuse to not feel like a worthy human being because I wear a size 20. I refuse to be afraid of going out in public anymore because I have been conditioned to be hyper-aware of peoples opinions of me. I refuse to not go clothes shopping because I am afraid people will see me in something I haven't worn into a comfortable oblivion. And I refuse to keep  living for anyone's acceptance. The people who matter, don't give two squirts of piss about how I look.

So......

You guys can all go blow yourselves, I am beautiful.




Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Love Slash Fan Art!

I stumbled across a website that contained an article called "Modern Vs. Old-Time Disney's Characters". I will warn you that it is NSFW, unless that is you want Gary in the cubicle next to you to start maintaining eye contact  at the urinal.

If you have the stones to click on it, you will be in for a big, sexy, homoerotic treat. There is nothing I love more than my favorite characters getting all gay with each other. I then decided to compile a short pictorial of some of my favorite hilariously gay fan art. Some are funny, some are disturbing and some are just down right gay. Enjoy:

I see that Prince Adam got to keep his beastly junk

Captain Kirk has just instituted a no singing policy and is about to show Spock  the repercussion of his actions.


"ello' poppet"


I am glad to see that NAMBLA finally found some poster boys