Do You Remember...

Matthew and I where feeling particularly nostalgic and started talking about our childhood. We are the children of the 90's. Terrifying, I know. There are numerous videos typifying our childhood. It's limiting to be sure, but also nostalgic. Here is what we finally came up with after much debate. Add anything else from your childhood, 90's or otherwise. 

1. Space Jam
2. Mario 64
3. Jelly flip-flops
4. Friends
5. Doug
6. Jurassic Park
7. Are You Afraid of the Dark
8. The Simpsons
9. The OJ Simpson Trial
10. Toy Story
11. Pokémon
12. WWE ( When it was still called WWF)
13. JonBenét Ramsey
14. Goosebumps
15. Power Rangers
16. Legend of the Secret Temple
17. Princess Diana
18. Ren and Stimpy
19. Rocko's Modern Life
20. Animaniacs
21. When the Disney Channel was the shit
22. Fraggle Rock
23. Ahh! Real Monsters
24. Clarissa Explains it All
25. Nickelodeon
26. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson straight to VHS movies
27. VHS
28. The Tick
29. Johnny Bravo
30. Keenan and Kel
31. All That
32. "Oregon Trail" day in class
33. Bringing the plastic lunchbox to school (The smelly kids had brown bags or reduced lunch)
34. Slip 'N Slide
35.  Beanie Babies
36. Tomigotchi's
37. Jitter Ring
38. The Spice Girls
39. Backstreet Boys
40. Britney Spears
41. Blink 182
42. Razor Scooter
43. Chicago Bulls being the best team EVER
44. The Skip It
45. Walkman
46. Duck Hunt
47. Bill Nye the Science Guy
48. MST3K
49. Double Dare
50. Light up sneakers
51. Nick Arcade
52. Deejay Alice-Better off alone
53.  Gameboy
54. Y2K
55. Bill Clinton got a BJ
56. Pog's
57. Ferbies
58. Where's Waldo?
59. Clueless
60. Troll Dolls
61. My Little Pony
62. Hula Hoop
63. The Scrunchie
64. Ring Pops
65. S Club 7
66. McDonald's PlayPlace
67. Polly Pocket
68. The X-Files
69. Aqua
70. Bop
71. American Gladiators
72. Bevis and Butthead
73. Mood Rings
74. Daria
75. Push Pops
76. Jerry Springer
77. Duck Tales
78. The Babysitter's Club
79. Crystal Pepsi
80. Napster
81. Magic 8 ball
82. Roller Blading
83. Tie Dye
84. Acid wash jeans
85. Tickle Me Elmo
86. Warheads
87. Captain Planet
88. Mortal Kombat
89. Arcades
90. Ending every sentence with the word "Psyche!"
91. Bobby's World
92. "Talk to the hand (Because the face aint' listening')
93. "Who loves orange soda"
94. Saved by the Bell
95. Home Improvement
96. Boy Meets World
97. The Dinosaurs 
98. The Simpsons
99. Batman the animated series
100. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby
     
     

Here is some extra stuff for you:

Courtney Stodden: The Child Bride

Doug Hutchison, 51, has taken a lot of heat in the past couple weeks. His talent agent and manager have dropped him as a client. His own mother has cut ties with him and countless websites have blasted him as a pervert and child predator. Why? Because a few months ago he married a young woman named Courtney Stodden. Courtney is 16. She's also an aspiring dancer, singer, actor and model. She is also ridiculous. In case you were wondering who Doug Hutchison was, he is this guy: 

 He played the creepy guard who pissed his pants in "The Green Mile" and a terminal that guy as in "Hey, It's that one guy!". He is actually a decent character actor. He was Gus in "The Salton Sea". It's a great movie about Val Kilmer still being hot and doing a lot of meth. But I digress.

Courtney Stodden was virtually unknown until her marriage to Doug in May. Now she's....well not exactly a household name, but she's got a name in her own world. In a world of May-December marriages to B-list actors. This is the girl in question: 

And the sad thing is, this is one of the classier pictures I could find. She's allegedly 16, but every picture I have seen  she looks more like a used up burlap sack and less like a blushing Christian bride. I take issue with her entire being. I take issue with everything about her. She is ridiculous. She is a giant parody of herself. I cannot fathom how someone like this could take themselves seriously. It has to be performance art. It has to. Let's just start at the top of this herpes infested, glitter covered and sticky laundry list, shall we?

Where in the fucking shit are her parents? What parent would trust a child to make her own life decisions? Are they retarded, apathetic or just oblivious to their daughter? I don't know if they even fit in to one of the above categories. I've seen the picture of her father walking her down the aisle in her white ultra-mini, stripper heels with her tits flopping out. He didn't look happy. He had the same exact look Billy Ray Cyrus had after he had to endure his daughter fornicating with a stripper pole at the VMA's. Maybe it's the mother who is to blame. He just looked defeated. It was kind of sad. But for whatever reason, they thought it a good idea to sign their child off to a creepy aging actor. For what? A couple of cows and a promise of good crops? ugh.

she will unhinge her jaw and swallow you whole

 But it's legal. The marriage is legal and no laws were broken. They keep using this argument. Who the fuck cares if it's legal? Legal does not always mean right. I do not even feel the need to illustrate this point with examples. It being legal does not make him less creepy, or her for that matter. She's a little girl who wants to play house in the Hollywood Hills. Let her have her fun. She's obviously in a huge rush to grow up and pull up the big girl panties. Great. Go for it. Go pay some bills, work for a living, form a complete sentence, stand in line at the post office. Can you imagine seeing this monstrosity in front of you in line at the post office? A dyed pink poodle under her arm, trying to figure out where the stamp goes? I almost don't want to ruin it for her just so I can enjoy her obliviousness to the real world for a couple of months. But here's the big secret, sunshine. Being an adult sucks balls. It's boring. There is no mommy and daddy to blow your nose for you and you have to figure out how to survive. Luckily for her though, she found a desperate older man willing to finance her uselessness. 

Here's what really gets me. She's "16". Do you remember being 16? Remember how dumb we were? We knew everything and had all the answers. Did the stupidest shit and had no understanding of the repercussions of our actions. Yeah. Courtney. Good job. 

I don't even think she's not 16. I am sure she is. It's the only thing that makes sense. No self respecting grown woman would traipse around dressed like that, acting like a cat in heat. But she wants to sell sex, obviously. You don't have to be a Rhodes Scholar to know how to do that. Show some t & a, act like a bimbo and have big fake clown tits. If this is what she wants to do, great! She can aspire to be the best at giving guys boners. Cool. Good job. Just don't come preach to me about how mature you are, what a great Christian you are and how you just want to reach out and help your fans. Shut the fuck up! I would rather take life advice from a lice infested homeless guy than a child who's understanding of the real world doesn't span beyond which edible panties will cause a yeast infection.She might not be a whore, but she is sure wearing their uniform.

Oh! And her music sucks. I will leave you with a sample of this waste of human life. A pop tune about how she's so hot and everyone's jealous. We shouldn't put our insecurities on her though. It's not her fault she looks like she's sticky.

                            

                                     Courtney Stodden - Don't Put it On Me

UPDATE:

I just typed her name into Google Images and found something totally hilarious. At the bottom of the first page, you will find this notification:

If you follow the link, you'll find out that one of her pictures has violated a child porn law or something or another. This might be disturbing if these images where perpetuated by sneeky paparazzi or someone not affiliated with her camp...But we all know that's not the case. The paps don't need to hunt her down because a.) they don't give a shit and b.) she's ready and willing to flash her pachinko for photogs. These child porn images are being created by her and her people.