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Look at my Baby, Look at my Baby, Look at my Baby, Baby...Baby!!! Look at Her! Did you See Her? Good...Want to Look Again? No? Too Bad

Ivan Tchaikovsky, my Russian serial killer

Rummaging through my old computer files, I found this. It's dated 12.13.2010. I am not sure what the fuck I was writing, but I think it might be a character profile for a Sim character I was thinking about creating. Very weird, but I might have to revisit ole' Ivan. He seems like a pretty colorful guy. A real wild card to stir up my Sim suburban wasteland of two car garages and Nuclear families. I am not very creative when it comes to Sim creation. I focus more of house building and decoration.

Have the afternoon off and I am catching up on Ivan Tchaikovsky, my Russian serial killer and criminal mastermind. He spent the first few years of his life in "Mother Russia" before being sent to Kauniainen, Finland at the age of 12 after he was implicated in a string of disappearances in his home town. The evidence was all circumstantial and a case was never fully filed against him, but his parents and the rest of the people in the small village, “just got that vibe” from him. 

 He attended "Evil Boarding School” until the age of 18. He moved to Riverview to start a new life for himself, hoping to start a small fish nursery but that dark evil urge kept boiling up inside of him. He was taught in school that to shun such feelings and repress his desires would only lead to self-destruction and an extreme sense of devitalization .Despite his formal training in the art of the kill, he has yet to actually hurt someone. He did go all George Clooney in "Burn after Reading" and create a creepy basement with a hardware store sex swing, though.

"Yeah you can go on down, it's totally legit"

I don’t know how long his morbid carpentry will keep his sick urges at bay until he finally bursts and decides to do someone in…But it will be soon.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer ATC

I want to do a series of Buffy ATC's, but I don't know how to go about it. I don't know if I should just make them myself, or find a swap online and do it through that channel. I want to get started on these, because I have a few really good ideas. If anyone wants to give input, let me know. Like A is for....B is for and so on. Help is always appreciated!

The Acrostic Husband

I love my husband very much. He evokes a warm cuddly feeling in my stomach reminiscent of a childlike happiness. Hear me, I said reminiscent of. I, of course, am a cold, heartless she-devil. Never forget this. But for him, I am inspired to write a little poem. The kind you're told to write when you're in second grade. An acrostic poem. Just for my hubby (who indecently just declared 8pm to be "snuggly-wuggly time" for our baby kitten, Ichabod). 

"It's 8pm? Get your ass over here, Icky"

Manic and spontaneous 

A little bit nerdy

Takes care of me when I am sick

Thought "racy" and "racist" were the same thing (and it was hilarious) 

Has the cutest smile

Every day he reminds me why I love him

Winning

Always does right by his family

Loves the Foo Fighters

Likes to cook

Enjoys making sex with his wife

Never turns down making sex with his wife

Does horrible impressions of anyone, ever

Actively tries to find ways to creep me out

Very beautiful eyes

Is an amazing husband

Sexy and he knows it

This is What it Must Mean to be a Woman

I am pregnant. I am having a child. This fact is still in some ways still more of a concept than a reality to me. I have seen a blurry picture of a blob and I have heard the wet cadence of a heartbeat. I have this resolute validation that what is happening inside my body is indeed happening inside my body and I am not watching a movie. But there is further proof, beyond what my body and Obstetrician tell me.

Everyone has a comment to make. Everyone wants to remind me what a burden I am undertaking, and how it shouldn't be taken lightly. Everyone wants to piss all over my parade. I forgot that creating new life out of nothing but love is considered taboo. It's no longer a miracle. It's a chore. Everyone tells me how much money it will cost and how drastically my life will change, how horrible it is to be up every 3 hours to feed my infant will be. No one ever talks about holding your baby in your arms for the first time. Or seeing something you made learn something you taught it.

No one talks about the miracle anymore. You can't sell happiness, but you can sell fear and pathos and neurosis.

Furthermore, no one wants to talk about what being a mother means. If my life was a cartoon, a tight bun would be placed on the nape of my neck as would loose fitting clothes and a chain for my glasses. The word "Matronly" even sounds depressing.  No one mentions the intensity of the word. A baby isn't a thing that decorates someones life and home. I don't know what it means yet. I hope that I am not supposed to. I feel very fragile and mortal. I don't feel like an invincible 20-something with the world before me. I feel like a protector in a frightening world against overwhelming odds and it scares the fucking shit out of me. I don't know anything about legacy or anything like that. I don't care how society views young mothers. I just know I have never felt more mortal than I do knowing what I am creating.

People treat me different, too. A pregnant lady on the cusp of a giant life change, doesn't exactly fit into the self satisfying bar scene. It seems ridiculous now. Spending all my money at some hole in the wall bar, getting pitchers of shitty overpriced beer, smoking all my smokes and essentially ending up with a very expensive hangover. It seems especially stupid considering I can achieve the same toilet hugging results for free. This was my weekly routine...at what end? For what reason? The Vincennes bar scene is a horrible substitution for culture. Not to say I wont go out and get drunk after the baby gets here, I will just have something a little more worthwhile to go home to than an empty bed and an empty life.

I know I am rambling, a bit. My thoughts are kind of everywhere. It's just so strange how something so small changes everything and everyone around you. It seems to polarize people. I stuck by Chelsea's side when she had Dominic because she's my best friend and I love her like none other. And now she's pregnant again. And so am I. We are both back in the dirty GC with a bunch of old people from the gang. It's supposed to be this way. My time in away from home was supposed to be my ticket out. In the end, it turned out to be a means to my end. I wouldn't have married Matt. I wouldn't be making a family. I wouldn't be leaving.

I would be sitting at a shitty bar, talking about all the cool stuff I was going to do one day.

What in the Hell Have I Been up to?

I have been gone, and for quite some time.

 I know what you're thinking dark blank interweb space that I envision filled with eager readers. "But lady, you made promises! You said you wouldn't do this!" I know, I know. And I am sorry. In my defense, this relationship is pretty one sided. You should call more.

Now on to the topic of this blog post. What in the hell have I been up to? Since I am pregnant, I am limited to what I am able to do. So I have decided to try mt hand at ATC's. What are ATC's, you ask? Well...

Artist trading cards (or ATCs) are miniature works of art about the same size as modern baseball cards, or 2 ½ X 3 ½ inches (63 mm X 89 mm), small enough to fit inside standard card-collector pockets, sleeves or sheets. The ATC movement developed out of the mail art movement and has its origins in Switzerland. Cards are produced in various media, including dry media (pencils, pens, markers, etc.), wet media (watercolor, acrylic paints, etc.), paper media (in the form of collage, paper cuts, found objects, etc.) or even metals or cloth. The cards are usually traded or exchanged.

 I initially made five, but now I am not exactly sure how to trade them. I will post them here. They aren't really good. I used to be pretty decent at this kind of thing, but it's been over two years since I have lifted a paintbrush. So.....Enjoy.....

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

fail

Hipster Fish

Home#2

Home#1

Jesters Hat

Sophia

I lol'd

Plastic Surgeon John Diaz asked Courtney Stodden to smile for him on Dr. Drew's Life Changers and this happened.







Fernando Botero

 

 

See You Next Tuesday

We live in a world where people blame each other for their problems, where people blame others for their problems and further still, people blame other people for other peoples problems. It's a world where feelings and rewards are valued higher than the competition, hard work, responsibility and personal accountability. If your little son Billy sucks at life, then my shining fucking beacon of a child must suffer him and burn a little dimmer for the sake of feelings.

That being said, I must note that am indeed governed by my emotion. I have always prided myself on a moderate amount of  intelligence. (It's the kind of intelligence gained by remembering the right sort of information on television, not from any discipline in study.) But it is not at all within my nature to lead with it. I am governed by my intuition, my feelings. I would like to believe this has less to do with my nurture and more to do with my nature. But if I were honest, I would admit that its probably 50/50. It is with this second point that I actually arrived at my first. Now before you scream at me that one cannot arrive at a logical conclusion through emotion, I will have you know that I Googled that shit and yes you can. Rodney Brim, CEO of Performance Solution Technologies and apparent software salesman flat out used this argument to sell whatever the fuck he was trying to sell. But my point is getting further from me. My point is that I draw the logical conclusion that people value feelings over logic through an emotional reaction. And the reaction was to (brace yourself for something totally laughable and banal) a hipsters post on Facebook. I hope you got a chuckle out of that. I feel that sickening knot in my stomach that tells me I should, too. And I might, if I weren't so aggrieved.

It's about to get a whole less eloquent in here as my mood is quickly shifting (with Gustav Mahler's Piano Quartet in A minor) to full on bitch fest. The situation behind this post is not even going to be commented on  nor are this particular hipsters motives for posting such an obnoxious piece of trash.  I am only going to say that after over a year of building a reputation for themself within a certain faction in the community in the public eye, after more than a year of fundraising, rallying, planning, recruiting, advertising and putting love and affection into something that is not only important to them but to an entire group of women, they had the audacity to try and strike it down in stroke their Mac's keyboard. Yes, that was a jab at their hipsterdom. And yes, that sentence was unbelievably long and riddled with commas.

CUNT. That is the ever so classy word they used to describe me and the rest of the women in question. I suppose they might have had the forethought to intentionally use such a trashy word to further convey their distaste for us, but it is more fun for me to imagine their pseudo intellect reaching for a European derivative to sound more worldly.

I just got a happy, excuse me.

The word itself isn't egregious to me. It's the implication behind it. We live in a world where people blame each other for their problems, where people blame others for their problems and further still, people blame other people for other peoples problems. I am guilty of the third in this line, purposely put at the end to exhibit its ridiculousness. But I am guilty of it, according to said hipster(should I be capitalizing Hipster? Is it a title?). I am a cunt through my inaction. My inaction to get involved in the personal life of other people. When does the line get drawn between personal responsibility and community? Is our existence to now imitate technology and be a free flowing continuum of divulgence and bullshit? When does it cease? When do we say, "enough! I will not take the responsibility for the mistakes of others." I use I because although we were addressed vaguely and cowardly as a group, I react as an individual, offended on my own behalf, and not at the behest of others.

Furthermore, this hipster forgets themself. The use of the word "cunt" against the people in question is one of the most selfish things I have ever witnessed. I see it as indicative of the time we live in. A time when Billy can suck at life and the whole world must pay out for it. The whole world must be accountable, because God forbid someone be to blame for their own actions. What do they forget? They forget being clothed, sheltered, fed, comforted, and otherwise nurtured by the very cunts they mark with such disdain. They forget the warm bed offered to them. The camaraderie. For fucks sake, they forget their reason for using this word in the first place is a product of this organization!

Now, this person might be reading this now. I do not apologize for anything I said. I was called names. My home was belittled and an organization I love was set on a pike; hemorrhaging for any dime store apothecary to poke, prod and examine.

The difference between us here. Your insults and mine?

I am not going to post it on fucking Facebook.

Random Update!

I am pregnant. That is all.

Enjoy this picture of a photo bombing seal.

Geocaching: Pray No One Left a Meth Needle

Sara, Matthew and I have been doing this thing called Geocaching. It's a lot of fun and it has turned an otherwise boring Midwestern town into a treasure hunt. The basic idea is someone leaves a box or a "cache" in a secret location and puts something inside of it. A logbook, and maybe some small tradable items.Then posts the location online only using GPS coordinates. People copy the coordinates and go off with their trusty GPS in hopes of finding some treasure.  

There was even one right in my front yard off my dock and I didn't know. Something comes to mind. I have never shared my beautiful view with the world. Well here you go. My wonderful view.

But the game is kind of addictive. We've only found a few, but there are plenty just in this town. The trick is finding them. Some are extremely well hidden. Take for example, this:

Or sometimes they are creative hiding places you never would have thought to look. Like this:

 And finally, some of the ones we have found:

our names on the geocache website are October_Rayne, Chainchomp_7 and betty_rocca

In Response to My Earlier Post

In response to this thingie, I give you this thingie:

What Mythological Creature Am I?

You Scored as Mermaid
You are a mermaid. Mermaids are also known as sirens. They entranced fishermen by singing so they would come into the water only to find death waiting for them! Mermaids are not always so sweet as you can see. A Mermaids appearence isn't just a human with a tail. Mermaids skin is usually blue, with any colored hair and eyes they want. They have gills to breath under water with and they have fin like things for ears and extra fins on their tail.

Mermaid 63% Werewolve 63% Fairy 56% Vampire 56% Dragon 44% Devil 13%

Autumn Pictorial

Autumn: 23 September - 22 December 

I know this is kind of a dorky concept. Pictorials on Autumn are for Midwestern scapbookers and New England housewives. Maybe I am becoming the former.I have always loved Autumn. Not just loved, but felt invigorated by the season.


Wu-men Hui-k'ai said that "Spring comes with flowers, Autumn with the moon, Summer with the breeze, Winter with the snow. When idle concerns don't fill your thoughts, that's your best season."  My cynical brain reads it as slightly like a Jr. High Myspace quiz. You know what I mean. "What does your favorite color say about you?", or "What kind of mythical creature would you be?" (That one is actually pretty good. I am going to have to do that later.) But it doesn't make it any less true. Autumn with the moon. Even in Wu-Men's time, they understood the subtleties of Autumn. Autumn and the moon. Seemingly unrelated. But it's a perfect marriage. What is it about this season that is so perfect?

I found a lot of cool pictures I thought about posting, like the anatomy of a hand turkey. That takes away from it, though. I want to leave my impression of Autumn. So here it is. The things that come to mind when I think about my best season.

  

American Horror Story

I effing loved this show. I just thought I would put it out there. I watched it twice. Once on FX when it aired last night and then later that same night on putlocker.com. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out on something truly creepy. And pretty raunchy for cable.Whatever, it was amazing! And Zachary Quinto is joining the cast for a four episode arc. I am a super excited girl right now.