Kind of blue tonight for some reason. I really can't get a handle on it. So, ever the fatty, I am curing my boredom/moodiness with a little kitchen therapy. I made a quiche. Well, more like a pseudo-quiche. A real quiche is made with milk and a pastry crust. I have no milk, so I guess this is more like an egg casserole. I found thisrecipe and kind of modified it to fit what I had in my kitchen.
On a completely unrelated note, did anyone realize that "Storage Wars" on A&E is the highest watched program in the channels history? I have seen this show. Matt goes bananas over it. It's brainless. You get superficial history lessons in pop culture collectables. There is a hairy fat man tricking his rival into overpaying for shitty storage lockers. I don't know where we are headed that this is considered high brow television.
So, the egg casserole:
Here are the ingredients I used. Most of the veggies are the courtesy of my Grandpa Frank's backyard. I ended up not using the frozen broccoli because there were enough veggies as is. The thing between the eggs and bacon is a zucchini.
pretty veggies
My chives, zucchini and hot peppers all chopped up in pretty colorful piles. I cut the rinds from the zucchini because they are harder to digest.
Bacon cooking. Look at that pretty caramelization next to the bacon. Too bad we got it at Save-A-Lot. I would love some beautiful bacon with a lower fat content. This was practically all fat.
The bottom of the cake pan lined with shredded mozzarella and crumbled cooked bacon.
Filled the pan with the egg and veggie mixture and topped it off with some more crumbled bacon and mozzarella. Plus some sprinkled flour to get all crispy on top. I am actually really proud of how pretty it looks. I forgot the salt and other seasonings, but the green onions, chili peppers and butter should give it a very complex flavor. I can smell it cooking and it smells fabulous.
Cooking has picked me up a little bit, but I still have this feeling that something is wrong. I have had this feeling in the past and everything turned out okay so history is on my side. But I still can't shake this feeling.
Took three Aleve. Listening to Dr. Drew going on about Warren Jeffs.I haven't been following this case. His wiki page says he's the president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Isn't that the Mormon Church? This whole thing is bizarre. I will read more about it in a bit.
Well, here is the final product:
This actually turned out really yummy. Like a giant omelet. The flour really did make a kind of crust. And it tastes fresh, crispy, kind of spicy and hearty. Special thanks to Eden for giving me the idea of a little cooking pictorial after reading her"Cupcakes & Cooties" post.
So, Sara and I have been watching " The Walking Dead" a lot lately. Having her around while watching it, I am noticing a bunch of inaccuracies in the program. Not just technical incontinuities but in the survival methods of the characters, as well. Her and I both have been fans of the undead for awhile, anyway. We both have garnered a pretty little book collection on the matter, and we both have (of course) our respective copies of "The Zombie Survival Guide."
So needless to say while watching the show, the subject of our usefulness arose. After examples on my living room floor about how slow we were, we concluded that we could not, in our present states survive very long in the event of a nightmare scenario. So something that I am calling The Post Apocalypse Survival Plan was born...well technically, it's still in labor. But the bitch is crowning, I can feel it.
We are starting out small. Running. Night running, to be precise. Well walking, then running. Hopefully there will be other things in the future and we stick to this first thing. We want to be the Sarah Connor of the zombie world. We want to be Buffy without all the whiny self-importance.
I am not sure how far this will go or what it will turn into, but I will update it here. There are a lot of things I would have like to have learned in the future, anyway. Now I have an excuse to get fit, look hot, and be a chick you don't want to fuck with. Here is an adapted list Sara found over at "The Post Apocalyptic Workout" blog. Her list was good, but certain things on it I can't be bothered with to learn. For example, CPR. Zombie Apocalypse+CPR= fuck all that shit. And Midwifery. Don't give a shit. No pregnant women allowed in my survival party. And if they are, I consider them fodder. *cue evil laughter*. So here are some of the things I want to learn:
Losing weight (smaller = faster and less nummy human flesh to rip into)
Strength training (lifting my body weight up and weapon weilding)
Camp fire building and cooking
Learn how to ride a bike/motorcycle
Navigation without a map
Learn how to drive a manual
Shooting/gun safety/maintenance
Hunting and fishing
traversing rocky terrain/rock climbing
Archery/crossbow skills
Horseback riding
Self-defense (Hand to hand combat)
Shelter building
learning how to purify water
knives/throwing/safety/tactics
I see these things as entirely useful skills to have, is not entirely essential if I want to survive Z-Day. So more research will be done, and we will beginning our long (hopefully) journey to self-sufficiency. More updates laterz.
So I was bored at home and channel surfing when I came across the season 4 reunion of a show called "The Bad Girls Cub" on Oxygen. I did the unthinkable. I paused. I watched. I couldn't look away. I am perplexed, disturbed, entertained, and now feeling kind of itchy. These bitches make Courtney Stodden look like a suburban soccer mom.
I can't say this is the first time I have ever seen this show. I get sucked in when ever I go by it. In a nutshell it's a show about seven women with a number of "personal, behavioral, and psychological problems" living together for three months. Cameras record them getting drunk, falling over in the street, acting like whores and generally being big sloppy messes. It has made for some amazing reality television moments. This is The Bad Girls Club:
derp.
So why do I keep watching it? Since I have started this post, the reunion show has ended and a special about the show's most dramatic moments is airing. It sounds like a bunch of homeless chiwawas fighting over a steak, looks like a public service announcement about herpes, and it feels like brain cells are committing suicide. So why watch?
Two words, ego boost. No matter how shitty and useless I feel sometimes, I am still not that girl up there. I still haven't pissed the bed on national television and I still haven't made a skeezy night vision sex tape with a club rat. I can settle in my small apartment and tune into a modern day depiction of "Lord of the Flies". Maybe next season they can even serve a bitch up, Simon style.
These girls are setting women back a few decades. Get a few uneducated broads in a house, feed them some booze and your are likely to see a vagina, some vomit and a bunch of hair extensions on the floor.
I fucking love it.
Here are some more examples of this disgusting amazing show:
See? This is how you know they didn't go to college. If they had, they would know about the walk of shame.
it's all fun and games until someone threatens you with a hanger.
The sad thing is Googling the show produces little photographic evidence of trashy behavior even though the producers and The Oxygen Network use this as it's only selling point.
"This week on an all-new bad girls club, random skank #1 confronts random skank #2 about how she's from random place and in random place they don't mess around." Literally fill in any woman's name and name of any US city and you will have the basic formula to any given bad girls episode. Go ahead...I'll wait.
In fact, I really couldn't find a lot of negative anything about the show. It seems America is completely at ease-in fact glorifying young women acting this way. And I find it so hilarious and cathartic that I fail to appreciate it for what it is. Teaching young girls that being worthless is fun! You can even be initiated into a club about it on national television...
There have been a bunch of squee worthy sneak peeks coming out recently regarding season two of "The Walking Dead". The show had it's panel today at Comic-Con and revealed an awesome preview into what's going to be happening for the characters next season. Allies, secrets, separations, new characters, and of course enough zombietastic action to make your puny mortal head spin.
Here's a rundown of the footage and photos that have been released thus far:
Pretty intense shit, right? There will be at least two new characters I can see from the preview. One being this guy:
And the other being this girl right here:
Now bare in mind, I am one of the assholes who never read the graphic novels so I have no frame of reference. But these two people seem to live together in a farm house of some kind. The man looks familiar to me. Matt said he was some dude in "Judge Dredd" but I couldn't find anyone who looked like him. And I can't be bothered to watch any Stallone movie other than "Demolition Man". So if anyone knows this actors name, let me know.
The next one is an actual scene from season 2 where Rick Grimes bashes a couple of baddies heads in with a big fucking rock-caveman style:
This clip begs the question as to why he's alone in the woods killing zombies with only a fucking rock to his name...hmm.
Then there are the screenshots that were released recently revealed exclusively to different media outlets. The first of which is from THR. It shows Lori Grimes shushing Carol as they hide under the cars on the clogged highway from the zombie hoard.
Bitch, be cool!
The next one is from MTV. Norman "sexy ass" Reedus heads up the front of a traveling party, bad ass crossbow in hand.
I love me some Norman Reedus
The final screepcap comes from The Los Angeles Times. It appears the fucking RV broke down again and everyone is just standing around looking dramatically in different directions. It really doesn't matter at this point, though. Anyone who knows anything knows that you don't take a fucking camper on a highway after a zombie apocalypse....rookies.
Then there is the promo poster. The gang are on top of that fucking RV, trapped by a smelly rotting hoard.
The walking dead premiers October 16th on AMC at 9pm. Don't shit yourself in excitement, please.
I am getting married in a little over three weeks. In the beginning, I was deep into planning and was buying bridal magazines and frequenting offbeatbride.com a lot. After about a million centerpieces and enough taffeta to rival the wardrobes of the entire cast of "Dynasty" later and I was totally burned out. Frankly, I stopped giving a shit about the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to get married but the idea of having to look at one more cake topper makes me want to bash myself in the face repeatedly with something pointy until the pain subsides.
So I had been putting the legal stuff aside, too. Until now. This morning I looked up information on the process of obtaining a marriage licenses in the state of Indiana. Pretty straight forward clerical information. Names, D.O.B, SSN. It all seemed pretty legit, until I ran across this shit nugget. It's called the "Premarital Examination Certificate" and every woman who wants to get married in Indiana has to have one...blinks...
Now to be fair, I don't know if this is standard practice in other states as I have never been married. I do know that some states require both parties have blood tests done to prevent the transfer of stiddies to the other.
Mom was right. If we both have the herps, he can never get away!
That seems perfectly reasonable. I would consent to that. Both parties engaging in a blood test. But in Indiana, men are not required to produce any kind of medical information to get a marriage license.
The woman is. A full medical exam testing for Rubella, more commonly referred to as the German Measles. Yes, Rubella can be passed between mother to child, but shouldn't that kind of testing be between a woman and her doctor on her own terms when she is ready to have kids? Not all marriage is inclusive to child birth. Why does a Doctor need to peer into my vagina to sign a sheet that says I am okay to marry. Not only need but why should he? Why isn't this kind of testing be required of men? I propose to you, that a man can pass measles to a woman as easily as she could to her child.
But that isn't the most offensive and completely ridiculous part to this. On the form, there is a section for the physician to fill out.One of the lines reads: "Applicant presents evidence of sterilization" with a check line next to it. What in the fucking shit does being sterile have to do with measles!? As far as I understand, the measles do not have a direct connection with sterilization. Why would a doctor need to determine if I was sterile or not before I was allowed to get married? Are they really testing woman to test their breeding potential!? WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK BALLS!??? How have I never heard of this?
You should be thanking your lucky stars I can only do this once...
The woman who answered was about as helpful as a freshly harvested turnip. She had to look up the answer to nearly every question I had and referred me to a defunct website for more clarification. As it turns out, I could only refuse the exam based on religious objections. And the coup de grâcewas that the application would be "taken more seriously" if I did the exam. Taken....more...seriously...what? I don't give a good god damn and two squirts of piss if anyone takes it seriously! Just sign the fucking document and let me marry in peace! I am fuming right now. Seriously.
Luckily, I have had a glass or two of wine in me. My murderous rage is simmering down. I am not really sure what to do about this. I am really not.
Doug Hutchison, 51, has taken a lot of heat in the past couple weeks. His talent agent and manager have dropped him as a client. His own mother has cut ties with him and countless websites have blasted him as a pervert and child predator. Why? Because a few months ago he married a young woman named Courtney Stodden. Courtney is 16. She's also an aspiring dancer, singer, actor and model. She is also ridiculous. In case you were wondering who Doug Hutchison was, he is this guy:
He played the creepy guard who pissed his pants in "The Green Mile" and a terminal that guy as in "Hey, It's that one guy!". He is actually a decent character actor. He was Gus in "The Salton Sea". It's a great movie about Val Kilmer still being hot and doing a lot of meth. But I digress.
Courtney Stodden was virtually unknown until her marriage to Doug in May. Now she's....well not exactly a household name, but she's got a name in her own world. In a world of May-December marriages to B-list actors. This is the girl in question:
And the sad thing is, this is one of the classier pictures I could find. She's allegedly 16, but every picture I have seen she looks more like a used up burlap sack and less like a blushing Christian bride. I take issue with her entire being. I take issue with everything about her. She is ridiculous. She is a giant parody of herself. I cannot fathom how someone like this could take themselves seriously. It has to be performance art. It has to. Let's just start at the top of this herpes infested, glitter covered and sticky laundry list, shall we?
Where in the fucking shit are her parents? What parent would trust a child to make her own life decisions? Are they retarded, apathetic or just oblivious to their daughter? I don't know if they even fit in to one of the above categories. I've seen the picture of her father walking her down the aisle in her white ultra-mini, stripper heels with her tits flopping out. He didn't look happy. He had the same exact look Billy Ray Cyrus had after he had to endure his daughter fornicating with a stripper pole at the VMA's. Maybe it's the mother who is to blame. He just looked defeated. It was kind of sad. But for whatever reason, they thought it a good idea to sign their child off to a creepy aging actor. For what? A couple of cows and a promise of good crops? ugh.
she will unhinge her jaw and swallow you whole
But it's legal. The marriage is legal and no laws were broken. They keep using this argument. Who the fuck cares if it's legal? Legal does not always mean right. I do not even feel the need to illustrate this point with examples. It being legal does not make him less creepy, or her for that matter. She's a little girl who wants to play house in the Hollywood Hills. Let her have her fun. She's obviously in a huge rush to grow up and pull up the big girl panties. Great. Go for it. Go pay some bills, work for a living, form a complete sentence, stand in line at the post office. Can you imagine seeing this monstrosity in front of you in line at the post office? A dyed pink poodle under her arm, trying to figure out where the stamp goes? I almost don't want to ruin it for her just so I can enjoy her obliviousness to the real world for a couple of months. But here's the big secret, sunshine. Being an adult sucks balls. It's boring. There is no mommy and daddy to blow your nose for you and you have to figure out how to survive. Luckily for her though, she found a desperate older man willing to finance her uselessness.
Here's what really gets me. She's "16". Do you remember being 16? Remember how dumb we were? We knew everything and had all the answers. Did the stupidest shit and had no understanding of the repercussions of our actions. Yeah. Courtney. Good job.
I don't even think she's not 16. I am sure she is. It's the only thing that makes sense. No self respecting grown woman would traipse around dressed like that, acting like a cat in heat. But she wants to sell sex, obviously. You don't have to be a Rhodes Scholar to know how to do that. Show some t & a, act like a bimbo and have big fake clown tits. If this is what she wants to do, great! She can aspire to be the best at giving guys boners. Cool. Good job. Just don't come preach to me about how mature you are, what a great Christian you are and how you just want to reach out and help your fans. Shut the fuck up! I would rather take life advice from a lice infested homeless guy than a child who's understanding of the real world doesn't span beyond which edible panties will cause a yeast infection.She might not be a whore, but she is sure wearing their uniform.
Oh! And her music sucks. I will leave you with a sample of this waste of human life. A pop tune about how she's so hot and everyone's jealous. We shouldn't put our insecurities on her though. It's not her fault she looks like she's sticky.
Courtney Stodden - Don't Put it On Me
UPDATE:
I just typed her name into Google Images and found something totally hilarious. At the bottom of the first page, you will find this notification:
If you follow the link, you'll find out that one of her pictures has violated a child porn law or something or another. This might be disturbing if these images where perpetuated by sneeky paparazzi or someone not affiliated with her camp...But we all know that's not the case. The paps don't need to hunt her down because a.) they don't give a shit and b.) she's ready and willing to flash her pachinko for photogs. These child porn images are being created by her and her people.
...Okay so when I say worst Birthday ever, I don't mean I am passing a kidney stone, or got into a car accident or even shit my pants in public. It's called a hyperbole. The shirtless,toothless and all around trashy maintenance man who served me my birthday surprise however, is not an exaggeration. This guy is the product of two Indiana meth heads and a case of Keystone Light. Probably. He schlepps around yelling at his kids through a mouth full of chew. He's ridiculous. And he "served" me a late fee notice on my birthday and claimed he was changing my locks tomorrow.
Now, I don't even have the energy to explain why this is a joke. So Let's just say he has no idea what he's talking about and I am being charged money I don't owe. This is why people suck. Right here. You give a shirtless hillbilly some responsibility and he thinks he's Clint Eastwood. There is no reasoning with these people. He's probably dealt with so many drug dealers and shady people that everyone is trying to pull a fast one over on him, in his eyes. Which is kind of sad. But I really don't give two squirts of piss about humanizing him right now. His kids built a bike ramp in front of my house, they set off fireworks at 4am in the morning, he fixed my broken bedroom window with another broken window and he's trying to muscle me out of my apartment to get the extra money for his child support. Probably. Fuck this toothless bug spray smelling a-hole. I seriously hate the Midwest. And I live in a cultural wasteland filled with tractor pulls and shitty trailers stuffed with inbred children.
Luckily Matt and I are signing a lease to a really nice place tomorrow, which reduces the amount of bullshit I have to go through to a minimum. Now I get to spend the rest of my birthday consolidating all of the crap I have accumulated in the last year into 4 medium sized boxes (along with furniture.) Great. Fuck my life.
Have you guys ever had a shit birthday? Have you ever wanted to punch a maintenance man in the face? Or are you from Indiana and just think I am a butthole. Tell me.
August 13th, 2011; A day that will be remembered for it's dichotomy as much as it's frigging awesome cupcake-cake. I say dichotomy for the following:
Getting married is pretty cool because:
I get to hang out with my best friend forever.
I will always have a traveling partner.
I will never have to sleep alone in a bed ever again.
He's going to be a chef and as such can cook like a champ.
We have the same taste in movies and television.
I have a dude who is not only a total cutie, but also thinks the sun shines out of my ass. I don't get it.
Getting married is terrifying because:
I have to stand up in front of a bunch of people for an extended amount of time to do it.(But, I get to do it with my BFF...yeah, I went there.)
We will ruthlessly fight and bicker on any trip we take together.(Then we will burst into laughter about how typical a fighting married couple is while traveling and be resigned to remedy it with a trip to the nearest bar.)
He hogs the covers.(But has some kind of witchcraft that causes him to be a human conductor of heat.)
He might make me super fat with his fantastic cooking.(I wont care. Being full of butter sauce = being full of win.)
We do NOT have the same taste in music and literature.(But I have discovered that some classic country music doesn't make me want to bash myself in the face with a hot iron.)
He thinks the sun shines out of my ass. I don't get it.(I really don't.)
